Everyone has fears, no matter how confident or courageous they might be. These fears range from: embarrassment, to failure, to mockery, to the opinions of people, to bitter truth, to conflict, and so on. What differs is the way we handle these fears. Do we let them control us or we find a way of overcoming them? No matter how great a particular fear is, it can definitely be overcome.
Let’s take conflict for instance. The dictionary of English defines It as “a clash or disagreement, often violent, between two opposing groups or individuals.” The key point here is the word “disagreement” which tends to cause a lot of damage if not handled properly, so in a bid to avoid conflict, sometimes we find ourselves compromising our actions, trying to please people every time, trying not to hurt them.
I have discovered that even in the process of trying to please everyone, to avoid conflict, you will realize that people still complain and that may end up in a disagreement. At the end of the day, you end up getting hurt, feeling stupid and being in an unavoidable conflict with someone and our worst fear materializes.
One thing is certain in this world: human beings can never be completely pleased and there is bound to be conflict no matter how peaceful a situation is. Conflict has a way of making us discover what a person likes and does not like, it is in fact a way of building a really strong relationship. In other words, there cannot be total absence of conflict in a given society, what is important is what we learn from it and how we control it. Here are some few tips you need to learn:
Speak up irrespective of the hurt or effect it is going to have on the recipient. Not speaking up may end up giving you a cunning or false personality and your good intentions may backfire. Aristotle once said “for though we love both the truth and our friends, piety requires us to honor the truth first.” So, it can be deduced that speaking up, telling the truth is an act of dignity.
Also, trying to avoid conflict may result in us keeping bitter things buckled up inside of us, that is when you find yourself inadvertently gossiping about the person and receiving words of advice from people who do not really understand the situation. The best thing to do is call the person you are bitter towards and sort it out once and for all.
Don’t live by people’s dictations. You should be able to stand your ground if you feel what they say is not right. Don’t always try to understand them, let them understand you too. Lack of individual understanding will lead to problems. Be in a relationship where you understand each other and not just one party understanding the other. Understanding should be reciprocal.
If you try not to hurt people, people will certainly hurt you, so what’s the point of trying to avoid hurt? You might end up being in a dominating relationship if you keep on living by the dictates of others and not expressing yourself, and mind you, no dominating friendship is friendship at all. Learn from the conflict, live your life, be in control. Friendship is all about the combination of good and bad moments that we overcome and reminisce on. Conflict in friendship is what teaches us and equips us with the tools to being better persons in our relations with others. Though conflict is unavoidable, it has its positive side. Conflict begins to grow bitter if we refuse to forgive and move on, so a key factor in any given human relation is forgiveness.
Decide within your heart to be strong and enjoy the ride. When the ball of conflict comes your way, tackle it with the bat of positivity.